So I’ve been hearing rumblings about Calumet High School football getting a whole new coaching squad this season. Being the nosey neighbor I am, I figured someone should actually track down who these guys are.
How I started digging
First thing I did was haul myself over to Calumet High’s main office last Tuesday morning. Lady at the front desk just kept saying “check our website” while stuffing envelopes. Well I checked that dang website last night – nada about coaches! When I pushed harder, she mumbled something about “pending board approval” before practically shooing me out.
Thursday rolls around and I’m scrolling through local Facebook groups, right? Boom – someone posted blurry cellphone pics of a coaches meeting in the cafeteria. Couldn’t make out any faces though, just six dudes in green polos. Comment section was full of wild guesses: “Heard it’s Coach Miller from Westfield” and “My cousin’s barber says they hired some college guy”. Pure gossip soup.
The locker room breakthrough
Finally caught a break yesterday when I bumped into Janitor Dave at Piggly Wiggly. That man knows everything happening in that school. Over the frozen pizza aisle he goes: “New head coach is Bryan Jacobs, used to coach linebackers at Rockville College. Whole staff got approved yesterday”. Then he rattled off names faster than I could grab my phone!
Ran straight home and checked the school district portal. Sure enough – official staff list just updated. Here’s who’s running the show:
- Head Coach: Bryan Jacobs (Defense Specialist)
- Offensive Coordinator: Marcus Reed (Former QB coach at Riverside High)
- Defensive Coordinator: Frank Vogel (15 years junior league experience)
- Strength Coach: Derek Cole (Powerlifting champ with scary big arms)
- Equipment Manager: Ray “Stitches” Malone (Retired from ’04 championship team)
Funniest part? Coach Jacobs posted his own welcome video on the team’s Instagram this morning standing on the 50-yard line. Dude said “gonna build champions from the ground up” while kicking up turf pellets. Gotta respect the energy!