So I gotta tell you about this wild project I tried last Tuesday. Woke up at 6AM buzzing with this dumb idea after seeing some artsy tennis photos online. Thought, “Why not make it edgier?” Grabbed my old DSLR and tripod from the garage, dust flying everywhere. Didn’t even eat breakfast – just chugged cold coffee straight from yesterday’s pot.
Setting Up the Dumpster Fire
Dragged my beat-up mannequin – call her Carrie – onto the cracked driveway. Striped her down to “nude” with acrylic paint splatters for “texture.” Propped a thrift store tennis racket in her plastic hands. Big mistake number one: forgot July sun turns driveways into frying pans. Melted Carrie’s left foot right onto the concrete. Had to chisel her loose with a screwdriver while my neighbor Old Man Jenkins stared over the fence.
- MacGyvered lighting with car headlights and a tinfoil reflector
- Tried frozen peas under Carrie’s neck for “dynamic angles” – just made a soggy mess
- Sweat through my shirt repositioning that damn racket 47 times
When Cops Showed Up
Heard sirens during shot 203. Cop rolls up squinting at melted-foot Carrie holding a racket near my junky Honda. Jenkins called in a “naked lady standoff.” Had to explain this ain’t illegal, just bad art. Cop took one look at my sweat-drenched hair and Carrie’s lopsided boob job and left chuckling. Ate my dignity with yesterday’s cold pizza.
Ended up scraping the whole shoot after 8 hours. Zero usable shots. Carrie’s in the garbage now next to those mushy peas. Moral of the story? Some Pinterest ideas belong in the digital dumpster. Might just stick to photographing my actual cat next time.